Dear Candice

Oscar Wilde said it best – “To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance”

Dedicated to Candice

Think of a stream with water running through it with no current. Now, imagine yourself swimming upstream against the current you created. I am sure many of us can imagine creating our own problems. I was the problem. Some people are quick to blame others for their problems. I know today that the currents in my life are the ones I have created. I produced them for myself and for her. I loved her despite myself. She loved me anyway.

The majority of my drama has been of my own making. People sometimes aren’t aware of the drama that they are in because they’re too caught up in their own bullshit (current) to see it. I’m guilty of this and anyone who knows me and is reading this is most definitely nodding their head up and down in agreement.

The best part about people who are drama is that they just bitch bitch bitch about everything wondering why they have so much drama in their life. And WHINE. Whine about everything. OMG,  just stop, save the drama for your mama and look in the mirror. You are no longer that little stream with a few little currents; you’re more like the owner of an amusement park operating the wave pool. What’s funny is you think everything is about you and cry regularly because Jane Doe deleted you from Facebook. Why you consider this Jane Doe a BFF baffles me because you guys aren’t even friends in real life. Half the time you think people delete you from Facebook when they’ve actually just deactivated their account due to their own drama. Ha! Come on, you know you’ve done this at least once. We’ve all done it. Don’t try and deny the fact that you thought one of your Facebook “friends” deleted and blocked you when really; they simply deactivated their account. Time to get real. Lesbehonest.

In all seriousness, regarding love and life – I was missing a key ingredient…self-love. I think it’s hard for people to love someone else if they don’t fully love themselves. See, the stream is my life. The water is me. The current is what I manifested while swimming upstream against the natural flow of life. At times it felt like a monstrous and considerably greater current than it was. Currents don’t have to exist.

Throughout my life, some of the currents have often felt like an undertow one could experience in the ocean during high tide unable to return to shore. It is only as of late that I’m aware of the undertow that I’ve created for myself. Self-awareness is another key ingredient. Otherwise, you are living a recipe for disaster dumbfounded why your life is a hot mess. The water was intended to be pure. It is for the most part. I believe we are all pure at the core of our beings.

How did I come to understand all of this? Love. Pain. Loss. Heartbreak. She was my greatest love and my biggest teacher. Sure, some may consider it a revolving door relationship, but boy did we try. We tried long and hard. Underneath all of the bullshit, we loved one another so very deeply. She recently told me I couldn’t possibly love her. I did. Very much. I still do. I always will. I loved her as best as I was capable. I told her some time ago if things didn’t work out, she’d always be the one that got away.

Who knows what forever really means anyway? But maybe, just maybe, nothing lasts forever. Or, maybe it does and it’s supposed to last as long as the forever you’re supposed to have with someone until forever runs its course. She saw me, the real me, better than I saw myself, and she loved me despite the current. But she was drowning and I was pulling her down. I didn’t know how to swim. How could I support us both out there in high tide when she was the air I was breathing as I kept going under pulling her down with me?

She couldn’t be my life-jacket anymore. She had to let go. She did it for both of us. I broke our hearts. I can see that now in hindsight but boy does heartbreak suck. It bugs the shit out of me when I hear people say, “It will be ok. Time heals all wounds.” But it does. It’s true. My heart is healing. Slowly. I’m learning. What’s most important is allowing yourself the time to do so. Time to heal. She’s forced me to dig deep enough within myself to find the answers because that’s where the truth lies. That’s the lesson. She’s changed my life.

I will never forget her. In the beginning she told me I renewed her capacity for love. You want to know why she has been so instrumental in my life? I’ll tell ya. Maybe I did renew her capacity for love. She should know she renewed my capacity for love too, more than words can ever express.

The lesson here – love yourself first. No one can be your life-jacket. Everyone around us is our teacher. Look for the lessons in everyone and everything.

XO,

Jay

Advertisements

Vitameatavegamin

This isn’t quite like an I Love Lucy episode; we have found that taking vitamins daily is vital to your overall health. We aren’t getting any younger Betties, so we must prepare by taking care of our bodies now!

We chose our top categories and will list which vitamins you need to take to support that area in your life.

Beauty (A true betty takes pride in her looks)

Cognitive (to regain all of those lost brain cells from EDC & TAO over the years) There are many different vitamins in this category. We chose our two favorites.

  • Omega 3- Fatty Acids
  • SAM-e

Heart (the most vital organ in our body)

Digestive (diet pills are a NO; to maintain a healthy weight making sure you are on track with digestion is the healthiest and most effective long-term)

  • Multivitamin
  • Prebiotics
  • Probiotics
  • Vitamin D

Immune (An apple a day keeps the DR away)

  • Echinacea
  • Multivitamins
  • Vitamin C
  • Vitamin E
  • Zinc

Most of these vitamins are familiar to you but any that you are unsure of (beauty especially) do research. Find what brand works for you! Take it even a step further. If you have a local nutrition store; go browse and ask the store clerks for their opinion.

KEEP CALM & STAY HEALTHY!

XO,

The Ultimate Betties

The L Word

I am proud of who I am. Especially today. I pretty much put the G in Gay or L in Lesbian or H in Homosexual. But really, what does it matter anyway? Gay, Straight, Bisexual, it’s all the same. Love is love. Relationships are not complicated. It’s the people in them that complicate the shit out of them. If your fiancé would rather stay home and watch ice-skating preliminaries versus going out on a romantic dinner date with you, you might want to take a look at how often he gets his hair cut, or quite possibly count the number of Aveda products he owns, and if you’re still wondering if your fiancé likes men more than you; check his closet. No pun intended on the closet mention…But seriously, if he wears his T-shirts tighter than you, goes to the GAY LA Fitness and comes home several hours later without breaking a sweat, then you might want to take a look at why the two of you haven’t exchanged intimate relations in the past three years. Clearly, there is something missing. It’s ok. If you truly love yourself then you can let him go. Let him go find his prince-charming. It will be hard at first but often times people don’t know they are gay.

Take me for example. I didn’t know I was in high school but Ashley did. So, after going through a recent break-up, afraid of love and fearing I’d never find it again, love will always find a way. I did familiarize myself with the madness in which we call online dating,as well, which was a HUGE help in coming to understand that love was there all along. I just had to look within myself, not on Plenty of Fish. There is no love more validating other than that of self, and not in a narcissistic manner, but a self-validating fashion. See, the writing on the wall speaks volumes and it is always there. We just need to be aware. The best relationships begin when we least expect them. It’s when we aren’t searching and looking for “something” when love comes knocking at your door. For me, she was there all along. But who would have thought we’d reconnect on this level fourteen years later? It’s new and wonderful and exciting and oh, so very gay. If gay means happy, then I’m truly happy. Ashley, that’s her name. She’s a breath of fresh air. We literally broke out in song earlier to the Little Mermaid. “No, the Little Mermaid is my bitch! No, she’s mine. Fine, Finding Nemo is #2 on my list. No! It’s my #2.”

The bottom line: All labels aside, love doesn’t discriminate. The only thing that discriminates is ignorance. Today is a big day in our country regarding the cases being heard before the Supreme Court with respect to Proposition 8 and DOMA. All love is equal. Love has no limits. The greatest love of all is the love for oneself and the rest will follow.

Three’s A Crowd

Monday called for our weekly lunch with the girls. Our favorite time of the week to catch up with every one that lives near us!

Shockingly… a friend we never thought had a wild side is the wildest of us all. Which brings us to the “three’s a crowd” saying. We understand the young, wild, and free phase we tend to go through during our 20’s. however, we don’t think bringing in a third to the relationship is necessary until latter years of marriage. How many 100% secure chicks do YOU know in their 20’s? Exactly. So how is that going to work? If your girlfriend gets jealous over you liking some other girls picture on Instagram; prepare for chaos. She won’t enjoy watching you pleasure a female or vice-versa.

Why not explore other sexual things with your partner that create less drama? Too many people have let the shittiest term created “YOLO” get to their head. Good things happen to those who wait. So wait. Or don’t, but you can’t say we didn’t warn you.

XO,
The Ultimate Bettie’s

Glamp – Don’t Camp

After spending three VERY long, dirty days, camping in the forest we came to a realization; Betties don’t camp. We glamp. What exactly is glamping? If you haven’t heard of it – you clearly need to catch up on your Housewives of Beverly Hills episodes because those biddies do it in style. Basically, this style of camping is for the luxurious; the ones who don’t want to get dirty. The ones who think digging a hole to go to the restroom is 100% erroneous and unacceptable for a female.
Glamping usually involves an establishment that puts together tents, cabins, or tee pees that are lavish. Actual beds on the inside with absolutely little chance of critter friends joining you in the night. There are communal showers, bathrooms, as well as a market to purchase food and alcohol. If you are lucky enough, some glamp sites even offer tent service. Seriously? Who would ever want to pack up a tent, sleeping bag, and shovel for your next adventure when you can still be one with nature but in complete comfort.
We suggest you skip the whole “I’m totally outdoorsy” act to your new man and inform him to call the boys next time he feels the need to channel his inner caveman. Woo him by visitingglampinghub.com and plan the most adventurous, comfortable, unforgettable weekend.
Trust us.
XO,
The Ultimate Betties

Spring Breakers

OK..soo saw the movie Spring Breakers last night and had to write a little something up for it.

springbreakers

Ever since we heard about this movie, months ago, we have wanted to see it. James Franco plays a “sensitive” drug hustler named Alien, complete with guns, money and a grill.

Basically the teen queens: Ashley Benson, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens and Rachel Korine rob a bank to fund money for their Spring Break trip down in Miami. Once there, they party harder than Lindsay Lohan on a daily basis.

They end up finding themselves in the slammer and are forced to either fork-up the money or spend a few more days in jail. A very “thug” Franco bails them out and pretty much enlists them into his lifestyle. Cameo by Gucci Mane. “Burr”

Truth be told, the movie was not great. Not that we were surpised but we did expect more of a story line. Franco’s performance was pretty entertaining to say the least, he definitely gave us a few laughs. If you were interested in seeing it, hope we didn’t just ruin it for you.

Wait for DVD.

XO,

The Ultimate Betties

stay weird.

Let’s first start with, what is ‘weird?’ The word is defined as

suggesting something supernatural; uncanny

We can get real philosophical on you all about this one particular word. Much like Seth Godin, we believe ‘weird’ is nothing. It shouldn’t even be a word in our vocabulary. Each one of us is unique and have qualities that not a single soul has on this planet. How mind-blowing is that? Some of the greatest people we have met would fall under the word “weird” or “uncanny”; an oddity if you will.

If we all were the same this world would be a boring place. We wouldn’t have even 2% of the amazing things we have. Not even speaking of technology. If you ever feel that you don’t fit in or are “too weird” – take a step back, and understand we are all ‘weird’. Your destiny on this earth is to find what your passion is and to let it kill you. Whatever it may be. The only opinion that matters in this life of yourself is YOUR OWN.

Stay weird, Friends!

XO,

The Ultimate Betties

Change

“The only constant in life is change,” it is inevitable and that’s life.

If you don’t like something..change it. So simple to say, but change may be very hard to do. We could fill this entire post up with amazing quotes, pictures and stories on change, but instead we are going to try to give out a little inspiration for anyone who needs that extra push. Why? Because sometimes we need that extra push to change things in our lives as well.

Change is probably one of the hardest things to do. Some people embrace it and simply need it all the time, some hate it and live their life their way and that’s that. But there are people who want change and are hesitant to take that leap. It tends to happen for a reason and usually that reason leads to a better life and opportunities. We Betties, we have gone through a lot of change in our lives from living in different states, starting and ending relationships to new friends and changing our majors in college (time and time again).

One big way to tell if you may need change in your life is your moods. If your moods are like a roller coaster and you’re not going through menopause, you need a change. Maybe your life is stagnant, which causes you to feel down. One word: CHANGE. Quit complaining and get out there and do something new!

Please challenge yourself. Not only is it a form of change but it will make you feel so good once you’ve accomplished whatever it was you were trying for.

1. Be positive. Make that invisible cup go from half empty to half full..all of the time.
2. Change up your routine from time to time, take a new route to work, read instead of watching television, shower in the morning instead of at night or vice-versa.
3. Get in contact with an old friend or make time for the friends you have now that you rarely see anymore.

The older you get the harder it is to change something drastically, so do the bigger changing while you’re in your 20’s and 30’s.

Big Change:
1. Quit your job, if you’re miserable. Try something new, you have time to dabble.
“I love my job, if you ask me anyone who hates their jobs have no one to blame but themselves. We make our own destinies and I’ve made a sweet one here.” –Horrible Bosses

2. Move to a new town, city or state. Hell, move to a new country. It’s super nerve-wracking, we have both done it but it provides a new experience, and new friends. Even if you only stay for a couple of months.
3. Try learning something new. Make a bucket list and start doing the things you wrote down on the list.

Be inspired to change, to start something new. It’s really never too late, and life is short. Make your life exciting!

Do you have any creative ways of changing things up in your life? Let us know.
XO,

The Ultimate Betties