Commitment

When you first read that word, did it scare you? Did you feel your anxiety level rising? If so, that’s a sure way to find out if you’re really a commitment-phoebe.

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If you didn’t start hyperventilating when you read that, congratulations! You very may have a much easier life than the rest of them. But most of us know the real commitment issues come from men. We were recently talking to someone who put it perfect: “Men don’t make commitments, they fall into them.” It’s.so.true.

That guy you’ve pursued, yeah the one you keep playing the cat and mouse game with..don’t force him. It’s as simple as this..if it’s meant to be it will! If you can’t wait then it’s not for you. Make all the excuses you want, you can’t compare apples and oranges. Ryan Gosling in The Notebook and Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love two completely different “characters.”

If you get to this point where you’re sick of playing the game but you want a commitment you need to sit back and think..is this person really worth it? From there, you will know.

Think smart, with your mind and your heart.

xo,

The Ultimate Betties

Single & Ready to Mingle

Ask yourself if you’re ready to mingle before doing so. Are you really ready to mingle? Have you ever seen the movie Swingers? If not, you need to watch it.

I know who I’ve been in relationships. The first time I meet someone I should be wearing a T-Shirt that reads: “Run away. Don’t walk.” Why? Because this chick has work to do before she can ever contribute to a healthy, monogamous relationship with another. For now, I think I will go to Ikea and buy a bamboo tree instead of trying to date.

Take the guy in Swingers, for example. He gets a girl’s number out at a club the first night he meets her. Then, he calls her repeatedly the same evening and leaves voicemail after voicemail on her answering machine until the tape runs out. His voicemails are so lengthy that the machine cuts him off on every attempt. He proceeds to call her back and explain himself. But what happens? The machine continues to cut him off. So he calls back. And on and on and on. You get the point. What I’m trying to say is I’m that guy. You’ve either done this or had it done to you at some point in your life. I haven’t the first clue how to date. In my previous relationship I got lucky because it was love at first sight. Our connection was instant. And yes, I do believe in love at first sight. But, the challenge is maintaining love. Without the proper tools it fades. We skipped the dating stage and lasted several years. But throughout the relationship, I played the same tape over and over again until it finally ran out. She was done. I was done. There was nothing left to give.

I like the phrase single and ready to mingle. It’s catchy. It’s cute. What is mingling anyway? Is it meeting someone new, charming them into bed, into their life and then, Bam! You’re stuck with them for at least the next one to five years.

Single and ready to mingle can be fun, but when a person says it, how can you really tell if they’re ready? I’m 32 going on 25 and this is the first time I’ve ever pondered this question. Hmm…newsflash captain obvious – if you have to question if you’re ready to mingle, chances are you are not ready. Most people are in such a hurry to rush right into that next relationship to take their next victim hostage that they don’t pause long enough to ask if they are ready, let alone heal from the previous relationship. Also, be careful if you’re playing around with those online dating sites. You never know. You might meet your next baby daddy in less time than you planned.

I like single. Just single. Single but not available. Because where I’m at right now, if I meet someone, and I did recently, who’s an amazing woman who actually knows how to date, it would look like this:

“Hi, my name is Heartbroken and I’m not over my ex. Let me tell you all about her and every detail. Then I will drive us to our second date in a U-Haul and ask you to spend the rest of your life with me. We can talk all day and night about every single feeling and process them together while making homemade hummus. When there is silence, I will ask you if you are mad at me. I won’t give you a chance to answer and I will then bombard you with a series of questions before you’ve had an opportunity to answer the first question. The series of questions as follows: Do you not want to be with me anymore? Was it something I said or did? Do I have hummus in my teeth? Did I leave too many voicemails? I’m really sorry but your machine kept cutting me off so I kept calling back to explain but I made it worse.” Phew. Had enough? Yeah, you get the point? For the love of God – do not ever do this. Never. Ever. Single and NOT ready to mingle. Enough said.

The lesson here – take time to get to know yourself before trying to get to know someone else. It’s better to be single than in the wrong relationship. You’re just going to hurt yourself and them.

—Jay

Attention ALL: Gossip Girls

Betty Rule #17: Don’t Gossip

Next to the Golden rule should be parenthesis (this includes no gossiping). We’re human and we all love hearing the 411 on people. We don’t expect people to just quit this cold turkey. However, there are manners involved. For instance, you hear a juicy story and discuss it amongst a small group. Fine. That is if this small group includes those you FULLY trust. If not, the game of telephone has now begun. One person from that small group will run to another small group relying the story. Now, the scoop on Sally’s break-up has turned into a drama series of her ex sleeping with the next door neighbor. Which is completely false!

We forget that while we’re gossiping about someone, they are dealing with the actual issue. Instead of making it worse by hearing 12 different stories that are untrue… Ask if they need help, A person to talk to, or your best bet: STAY OUT OF IT.

Remember this the next time it’s YOU being gossiped about. No one likes it! We’re all adults now and this shouldn’t even require a post! Do us all a favor and TRY your hardest to turn over a new leaf by not allowing gossip in your circle of friends.

xoxo,

West Coast Betty

Take a deeper look

We all know the old adage “don’t judge a book by its cover” but do YOU actually practice what you preach…or read? Yeah, we know it’s hard. But we have found ourselves, lately, surrounded by people who tend to do this more than we’d like.

And that’s fine, that’s their prerogative. However, these Betties are excellent at reading people. Down to the core, OK, maybe not that deep but we will pat ourselves on the back for how awesome we are at seeing the good in people. Even when countless people tell us to stay away we usually already know what to do.iceberg

Sometimes people’s opinions of others is right but usually it’s wrong. People only see what they want to see. It’s only unless they truly care about you that they’re going to see what lies beneath the exterior. Just like Facebook and Instagram, we all only show what we like and what we think looks good. Same as in in the flesh, we choose to show people what we want.

We challenge you to be different from the rest, or at least try something new. Don’t judge the next person you see or get to know a person you’ve already met deeper. Only you can determine if someone to going to be good to you or for you.

You are the only one who will know what is best for you, trust yourself more.

xo,

The Ultimate Betties

Empathy

Hey Betties and Bobbies,

This is my first official entry as a Bobby, so here is a little back story into my work profile. I went to school for Fashion Design. I know.. hold your “what a typical bobby” scoff, until I finish. My mom passed away while I was attending school, so I never ended up finishing. I had this whole late teens/early 20’s crisis, and decided that it wasn’t for me. That is when I settled to work in the hospitality industry. I am, by no means, turning my nose up at ANY position in this field. In all of my experience, they literally are the hardest working people. Even if someone says “it’s the easiest job in the world”. Yeah, okay. It’s easy. However, there is far more to it than meets the eye.

Though I now have a career in the fashion industry, I still continue to bartend and serve because the people I work with, and work for are amazing. I have been there for 6 years, and they have literally become my family. I have seen so many people, come and go. ‘This one is a teacher, this one is a nurse, this one is a doctor’ so please be mindful of “the bitch who didn’t bring you a diet coke” or “the asshole who forgot your ranch dressing.” As I said before, yes, some may say it’s the easiest job but just like everyone else in the world, they are people too. You don’t know what is going on behind the scenes in the life of your server/bartender/hostess.
Yes, some will say, when you walk in the doors, your personal issues stay outside. THAT IS NEVER THE CASE AND YOU KNOW IT. That has to be some Jedi mind trick that no one has ever taught me, and I don’t believe it’s true. Do I put on a fake smile sometimes? Absolutely. Will I ever be rude to a customer because I’m having a bad day/week/month? Never. However, if you don’t treat me like a human being, I’m certainly not going to give you the same respect. So, the next time you say to yourself, “Wow, this service sucks”, take a different approach. That normal protocol of not tipping or asking to speak to the manager, because option A.) you just made that server pay for your meal or option B.) you potentially just got that person fired from a minimum wage job. If someone came into your job, wherever it may be and was rude to you, what would you do?

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The point I’m trying to make here is all about: EMPATHY. This is totally not a religious, Jesus, rant. It’s about treating others with respect, WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. No matter what, the common denominator is that we are all made of skin, bones, and blood. We all have a brain, and just because you have the time to go sit at a restaurant, does not make you any more superior than the person serving you your food and drinks. Just keep that in mind the next time you go out for dinner, or have a Betties night out. That girl serving you, and your Betties cosmos, COULD BE WITH HER BETTIES, having cosmos, but instead she is there taking care of YOU. Take the time to realize that and treat her right.)

xoxo,

Bobby

Happy Hands

We have come to realize lately, if we’re not doing something almost always, then were either sleeping or on the edge of going crazy.

Do you find yourself with far too much down time? Maybe you’re in the middle of a transition phase of your life and your “me” time is through the roof. Super, however there is only so much of yourself you can handle in one day. With all those thoughts circling around in there.. You’re bound to over think and we all know where over-thinking leads us… destruction of some sort.

Betties keep busy and though we thoroughly enjoy our down time we also are so much more productive when we just keep going. There is this saying “happy hands, happy heart.” Stay busy and you won’t dwell on things so much.

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If you find yourself with too much down time, you better pick your ass up and go do something productive. Don’t get stagnant, challenge yourself everyday. Always make time for yourself but part of that is doing things for others as well.

Stay Humble!

xo The Ultimate Betties

Betties Love This: Coachella

Coachella Countdown: 23 Days!

For those who have been to this amazing music festival you already know this is a small fashion show. We decided to pick three outfit choices for those who have never been. We will post a checklist the weekend before so you can double check. This weekend is pure madness and you must be prepared. We recommend Free People, Urban Outfitters, and Forever 21 to help complete these outfits. Don’t be scared to get creative! Cut old band shirts, levis, and break out those worn down chucks.

Give us feedback on what YOU plan on wearing

xo,

The Ultimate Betties

The Betties Take On Spring Training

From traveling to laying out at resorts and being surrounded my our most favorite people; we had the BEST Spring Break. It’s so rough being a Betty. An ideal day for us would be laying out by the pool, Mai Tai in hand, and reading the latest Cosmo. Of course, we were rudely interrupted by a group of male friends who insisted they take us to a Spring Training game.  We know very little about baseball other than what size Yankees shirt we wear and which scandalous broad A-Rod has decided to taint. So we knew we were in for an experience.

IF ONLY the guys would have told us earlier that it’s filled with thousands of boozehounds and extremely sexy players – We would have bought tickets for the entire week. Don’t be fooled… about 10 minutes total was focused on the game. The rest was meeting new friends, running into old friends, drinking one too many beers (all while getting a beautiful tan).

So don’t be ashamed for not knowing the sport. Put on your Victoria’s Secret PINK baseball gear, grab your girls, and go relax! FYI: there is no “half-time” in Baseball so refrain yourself from that statement in front of any hot group of guys!

XO,

The Ultimate Betties

 

I Only Wish

     Let me finish the thought; I only wish I had actually committed all the sins I am seeking atonement and forgiveness for. My good friend Paul (aka Pauly cuff-links) recently said those words to me. After we stopped laughing, the seriousness of the thought struck me.

They caused me to think about the mistakes and errors in judgment we make in our daily travels and transactions. Some of these mistakes are great and some are deminimus, but they all end up in the same place, on the shelf we label Regret.

One of the greatest, most poignant quotes of my time, at least in my opinion, comes from an obscure event in May of 1992 when LA was exploding from riots and Rodney King uttered those famous words; ‘Why can’t we all just get along’. The thought of tolerance, not even acceptance, just tolerance applies equally to how we look at and treat ourselves. We certainly need to give our follow Bobs and Betties some slack but before we can do that, we need to give ourselves some slack. We are not perfect; we are not supposed to be. It is from these mistakes and missteps that we learn how to be better people.

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So go easy on yourself. Live life to the fullest, accept your imperfections and learn from
your errors as best as you can. At the end of the proverbial day, forgive yourself, look in the
mirror and smile, after all, you’re only human.

Peace,

The Ultimate Bob

Girls will be Girls

We learned something last night; it is impossible for a girl to have or make a comment about another girl in front of a man without that man thinking they’re jealous.

Here’s the thing, a lot of women are jealous of other women. We don’t know why, but we are. It’s fact, face it. You can say you’re not all day long but deep down even your man of 20 years or your latest hook-up know it.

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Some women are better at hiding it than other women, more power to those women! Some women just aren’t and wished they could hide it better. It’s a very fine line though.

We were out having some libations with a few friends. One of the four bartenders was a complete ditz, like Elle Woods best friends in Legally blonde ditzy. We made a remark to one of our best guy friends sitting next to us. No matter the feelings between us, if they were passionate or strictly platonic after the words “this girl is so dumb” came out of our mouth we instantly regret it. Let us be the first to say the girl was not bad-looking she just lacked a brain. Why did we regret saying it? That comment automatically made us look like we were jealous and truth is, we weren’t. Sometimes we just want to have an opinion, that can be spoken freely. We Betties know what were worth and how to hold our own.

That situation made us think that we, as women, should be entitled to say what we want without our comments being made to look like a jealous ex. When a man has a comment about another man, women usually take it with a grain of salt. Man jealousy can be cute. No matter how jealous that man may be though they just know how to play it off.. waaaay better than we do.

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Find and define the fine line between saying what you want but not acting jealous. It’s possible, we know it.

Xo,

The Ultimate Betties

Sticks & Stones

If you haven’t caught on yet: we have a bible of pet peeves. Today we have to rant about ‘low blows’. I think the moment you graduate and move on from the bubble we call high school; the low blows shouldn’t follow. It’s inevitable at times to let your emotions guide you but as you get older you need to man up, be an adult, and let bygones be bygones.

If your best friend was ‘white girl wasted’ and started a stupid fight with you because you cut her off. LET IT GO. If an ex decides to contact you either ignore it or act friendly. It’s pretty mind-boggling how someone you once loved and confided in can hit below the belt with no remorse.

Do we need to remind you all the golden rule, ‘If you have nothing nice to say don’t say it at all’.

Basically, these Betties are fed up with the drama, name-calling, and low blow comments that are completely unnecessary. Grow up. If you think life is an ongoing series of Vanderpump Rules — you are delusional. People don’t open up and share their dreams so you can make fun of it later when you’ve run out of ammo. A person who belittles a dream probably doesn’t have their own.

Words have a lasting impression on a person. So why not make your words extraordinary. Be the type of person that has enough class and respect for others to lift them up, not bring them down like a coward.

Just remember Betties & Bobbies… Revenge doesn’t get even BUT karma does.

Don’t ever fucking bully anyone and just so you know karma has everybody’s address and a mother fucking stamp – Lady Gaga

XO,
The Ultimate Betties

Learn when to step back

 “This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up.” –Marilyn Monroe

The ULTIMATE Betty

The ULTIMATE Betty

Straight from the mouth of the queen Betty, no one could have said it better. This week we learned a valuable lesson about taking a step back even when our emotions are in overdrive.

Everybody has their battles whether they wear them on their vibrantly colored fuschia sleeve or they bury them deep down. But learning how to read people is a skill YOU should learn as soon as possible. Not only is it valuable in your workplace and with people you’re just meeting but it can save face when it   comes to your next love interest.

Recently, we misread an emotion from a friend and started asking too many questions(as most girls do), all with good intentions of course. This spiraled into a confrontation we wanted nothing to do with and after some “words” we were left at a distance. One shitty situation if you ask us.

What we learned though, through communication and realizing not everyone is going to share their feelings we can still learn to take a step back. Paying closer attention to those people who don’t wear their emotion on their sleeve is important. Don’t pressure them just learn to accept that you can’t change a person, you can just be there for them.

We’ll always think we can fix people though, that’s just how Betties are!

XO,

The Ultimate Betties

Dear Middle Finger…

Thanks for sticking up for me!

"As long as you look good, and you cross your legs..middle fingers don't matter."

“As long as you look good, and you cross your legs..middle fingers don’t matter.”

As trashy as it may be, let’s be honest the middle finger has become a complete staple of our generation. Words don’t even need to be spoken and you know exactly what that person is trying to convey. It’s universal.

One of the most ancient insult gestures known, the middle finger seems to have originated over two millennia ago. It has also been commonly referred to as a phallic symbol: “By doing it, you are offering someone a phallic gesture. It is saying, ‘this is a phallus’ that you’re offering to people, which is a very primeval display.” –BBC News

The middle finger probably arrived in America with the Italian immigrants in the late 1800’s..vaffanculo. And thank you to the Italians, Americans now use it on day-to-day basis. We see it on TV, in pictures, magazines, walking down the street, you name it. People have even positioned their babies sticking up that finger with pride.

Half the time it’s used as a flirty gesture. Let’s look at Bob and Betty flirting during a normal work day, there is definitely some chemistry between them and Bob likes to throw in some playful banter. Although, Betties do use their words if she has nothing to say up goes that middle finger with cute smile to follow.

Judge us all you want but we have no shame using the middle finger:

Keep your chin up high and you’re middle finger higher.

Stay Classy!

XO,

The Ultimate Betties

 

Ten Things NOT to say

Betties —

Over the years we have heard many dating stories. We thought it was time to put a little list together of things NOT to say. If its date number 1 or you’ve been casually hooking up for months; spare yourself the embarrassment PLEASE. Wait until he’s in love with you before you start dropping these bombs.

1. I told my therapist about you — Issues party of 1 your table is ready. We’ve all seen a third-party to help us but keep this to yourself. It’s meant to be private.

2. My ex… — STOP RIGHT THERE. Next…

3. When we’re married/have kids — until this is something you’ve spoken about on a serious level (not stoned off special brownies) don’t speak of this

4. You think she’s hotter than me, don’t you? — Confidence is sexy. If he’s with you it’s because he WANTS to be. Don’t ruin it by saying something like this.

5. Awww it’s so cute and little — If you say this either a) run or b) you’re joking, he’s not laughing, and you’re still in your six month drought.

6. Do you want to see pictures of my cats? — Guys usually don’t want to know you treat your pet like a child. It freaks them out.

7. My baby daddy’s new girlfriend is such a stalker —…. No explanation needed.

8. I hate (insert body part here) — again, confidence is sexy. Also, Most of the time what you hate he doesn’t see so now you just look insecure.

9. Can you go buy me some Tampons? — We don’t even let our best girlfriends do this for us so please don’t humiliate him by asking this.

10. Birth Control? No! I don’t believe in that. — If you are trying to get that ‘stage five’ clinger away from you this works every time… Otherwise NEVER UTTER THESE WORDS.

We feel like these are pretty obvious but sometimes it’s easy to get ‘blinded by love’. Mystery is always good in a relationship especially the beginning.

XO,
The Ultimate Betties

The Dollar Store

I know for a fact that Bobs are, as a species or sub species not supposed to enjoy shopping in a brick and mortar retail location. Maybe shopping for tools at Sears or electronics at some of those cool big box stores is okay. I have a news flash for all of you; go to the Dollar Store or Dollar General or Dollar anything and shop around. Be prepared to enjoy the experience. It’s okay to enjoy shopping, I defy you to leave empty-handed, and you won’t.

I was passing through an airport recently and saw, and I kid you not, a $10 Dollar store with really cool stuff. Whether it’s the Ten Dollar Store or the Dollar Store, enjoy the selection of cologne’s for less than five dollars, razors and razor blades at a good price and all the name brands we see at supermarkets.

So Bobs, give it a chance, take a walk on the wild side and venture out to the Dollar Store the next time your Betty gives you a few hours of Man-Time to yourself. You don’t have to tell anyone…but you will.

Peace

Ultimate Bob