Third party influences

Betties, as we wrap up our first week back we want to leave you with something short and to the point.

Throughout your life you will have people criticizing your relationships, your friendships and your partner in general. The third-party influences. Before you take everyone’s opinion look at the overall picture of your relationship. Yes, Cosmo may have the “perfect” way to “catch your man cheating” or a quiz inquiring if you’re too “needy”… that’s one persons opinion and it may not work for everyone.

We say this because as we get older we realize the problems that we face in our relationships should be dealt with by ourselves only. They’re only getting the story you’re telling at that moment, they are not there day in and out to see all the other great stuff that does go on. Sure, take all the opinions or “advice” you want, just remember that person with the genius advice is not on your date night or sitting in on your dinner conversations every night.

relationships

What works best for you and your relationships, friendships or what have you is dependent on YOU not the rest of the world.

XO,

The Ultimate Betties

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Single & Ready to Mingle

Ask yourself if you’re ready to mingle before doing so. Are you really ready to mingle? Have you ever seen the movie Swingers? If not, you need to watch it.

I know who I’ve been in relationships. The first time I meet someone I should be wearing a T-Shirt that reads: “Run away. Don’t walk.” Why? Because this chick has work to do before she can ever contribute to a healthy, monogamous relationship with another. For now, I think I will go to Ikea and buy a bamboo tree instead of trying to date.

Take the guy in Swingers, for example. He gets a girl’s number out at a club the first night he meets her. Then, he calls her repeatedly the same evening and leaves voicemail after voicemail on her answering machine until the tape runs out. His voicemails are so lengthy that the machine cuts him off on every attempt. He proceeds to call her back and explain himself. But what happens? The machine continues to cut him off. So he calls back. And on and on and on. You get the point. What I’m trying to say is I’m that guy. You’ve either done this or had it done to you at some point in your life. I haven’t the first clue how to date. In my previous relationship I got lucky because it was love at first sight. Our connection was instant. And yes, I do believe in love at first sight. But, the challenge is maintaining love. Without the proper tools it fades. We skipped the dating stage and lasted several years. But throughout the relationship, I played the same tape over and over again until it finally ran out. She was done. I was done. There was nothing left to give.

I like the phrase single and ready to mingle. It’s catchy. It’s cute. What is mingling anyway? Is it meeting someone new, charming them into bed, into their life and then, Bam! You’re stuck with them for at least the next one to five years.

Single and ready to mingle can be fun, but when a person says it, how can you really tell if they’re ready? I’m 32 going on 25 and this is the first time I’ve ever pondered this question. Hmm…newsflash captain obvious – if you have to question if you’re ready to mingle, chances are you are not ready. Most people are in such a hurry to rush right into that next relationship to take their next victim hostage that they don’t pause long enough to ask if they are ready, let alone heal from the previous relationship. Also, be careful if you’re playing around with those online dating sites. You never know. You might meet your next baby daddy in less time than you planned.

I like single. Just single. Single but not available. Because where I’m at right now, if I meet someone, and I did recently, who’s an amazing woman who actually knows how to date, it would look like this:

“Hi, my name is Heartbroken and I’m not over my ex. Let me tell you all about her and every detail. Then I will drive us to our second date in a U-Haul and ask you to spend the rest of your life with me. We can talk all day and night about every single feeling and process them together while making homemade hummus. When there is silence, I will ask you if you are mad at me. I won’t give you a chance to answer and I will then bombard you with a series of questions before you’ve had an opportunity to answer the first question. The series of questions as follows: Do you not want to be with me anymore? Was it something I said or did? Do I have hummus in my teeth? Did I leave too many voicemails? I’m really sorry but your machine kept cutting me off so I kept calling back to explain but I made it worse.” Phew. Had enough? Yeah, you get the point? For the love of God – do not ever do this. Never. Ever. Single and NOT ready to mingle. Enough said.

The lesson here – take time to get to know yourself before trying to get to know someone else. It’s better to be single than in the wrong relationship. You’re just going to hurt yourself and them.

—Jay

Attention ALL: Gossip Girls

Betty Rule #17: Don’t Gossip

Next to the Golden rule should be parenthesis (this includes no gossiping). We’re human and we all love hearing the 411 on people. We don’t expect people to just quit this cold turkey. However, there are manners involved. For instance, you hear a juicy story and discuss it amongst a small group. Fine. That is if this small group includes those you FULLY trust. If not, the game of telephone has now begun. One person from that small group will run to another small group relying the story. Now, the scoop on Sally’s break-up has turned into a drama series of her ex sleeping with the next door neighbor. Which is completely false!

We forget that while we’re gossiping about someone, they are dealing with the actual issue. Instead of making it worse by hearing 12 different stories that are untrue… Ask if they need help, A person to talk to, or your best bet: STAY OUT OF IT.

Remember this the next time it’s YOU being gossiped about. No one likes it! We’re all adults now and this shouldn’t even require a post! Do us all a favor and TRY your hardest to turn over a new leaf by not allowing gossip in your circle of friends.

xoxo,

West Coast Betty

Take a deeper look

We all know the old adage “don’t judge a book by its cover” but do YOU actually practice what you preach…or read? Yeah, we know it’s hard. But we have found ourselves, lately, surrounded by people who tend to do this more than we’d like.

And that’s fine, that’s their prerogative. However, these Betties are excellent at reading people. Down to the core, OK, maybe not that deep but we will pat ourselves on the back for how awesome we are at seeing the good in people. Even when countless people tell us to stay away we usually already know what to do.iceberg

Sometimes people’s opinions of others is right but usually it’s wrong. People only see what they want to see. It’s only unless they truly care about you that they’re going to see what lies beneath the exterior. Just like Facebook and Instagram, we all only show what we like and what we think looks good. Same as in in the flesh, we choose to show people what we want.

We challenge you to be different from the rest, or at least try something new. Don’t judge the next person you see or get to know a person you’ve already met deeper. Only you can determine if someone to going to be good to you or for you.

You are the only one who will know what is best for you, trust yourself more.

xo,

The Ultimate Betties

Familiarity

Recently, we heard this saying or quote if you will:

What feels familiar is not always best.

Now, we all know some variation of this is true. However, in the context of the discussion we were in it was something completely different from what we expected. We are referring to the “type” of people you, I, or We are attracted to.

Say we are attracted to the quiet type, or the opposite the obnoxious type. Trial after trial we seek out these types because it is familiar. Yet, if you back up and see your pattern and realize that it’s not working out for you with that “type” try something new. It will be different, yes, but different doesn’t always mean bad.

familiarity

You never know who will make you happy unless you give them a chance. Step outside of your typical comfort zone and get used to meeting new people. The best friendships and relationships are usually unexpected and when you’re not looking for one. Instead of searching out the same kind d-bag that you always seem to, let someone different approach you. Hopefully, you will give them a chance!

Be real,

The Ultimate Betties xo

 

What Did You Learn This Week?

Let’s be honest, we learn lessons even small ones every day but do you ever take the time to write them down?

With life going so quick we decided that writing down our weekly lessons would be our best bet at remembering and learning from them. I guess you could say this more for us but we like to share aspects of our lives with in hopes we can help you too!

lessonslearned

This weeks life lesson: People are willing to help you.

Seriously. I graduated over a year ago and I am still looking for a career, ya I know a lot of people in the same boat. However, I was recently contacted by an employment agency. If you don’t know what they do (look it up for a better definition) but they basically help find you a seasonal, temp, or day-to-day jobs that will usually turn permanent.

I have applied to jobs overall for the past year, with her help I’ve been on interviews, gotten interviewing tips, my résumé fixed, etc. SO much quality help.

The reason this is a lesson is because I will be going out-of-town in the next few weeks, which means no interviews, and you would think she would just stop helping me since there is no real point, right?

Wrong! She is still graciously helping me and keeping in contact. It actually opened up my eyes about (myself) keeping in contact with people and how special it feels to know that someone is taking that extra time and effort to help out someone else.

From us to you: just know there are people who will and want to help you. You may have to change-up your plans a little and that’s OK, it’s all worth it in the end. Always remember to send them an extra special thank you too.

Every now and then we should all be somebody’s help in time of need.

Have a great weekend Betties!

XO,

The Ultimate Betties