Empathy

Hey Betties and Bobbies,

This is my first official entry as a Bobby, so here is a little back story into my work profile. I went to school for Fashion Design. I know.. hold your “what a typical bobby” scoff, until I finish. My mom passed away while I was attending school, so I never ended up finishing. I had this whole late teens/early 20’s crisis, and decided that it wasn’t for me. That is when I settled to work in the hospitality industry. I am, by no means, turning my nose up at ANY position in this field. In all of my experience, they literally are the hardest working people. Even if someone says “it’s the easiest job in the world”. Yeah, okay. It’s easy. However, there is far more to it than meets the eye.

Though I now have a career in the fashion industry, I still continue to bartend and serve because the people I work with, and work for are amazing. I have been there for 6 years, and they have literally become my family. I have seen so many people, come and go. ‘This one is a teacher, this one is a nurse, this one is a doctor’ so please be mindful of “the bitch who didn’t bring you a diet coke” or “the asshole who forgot your ranch dressing.” As I said before, yes, some may say it’s the easiest job but just like everyone else in the world, they are people too. You don’t know what is going on behind the scenes in the life of your server/bartender/hostess.
Yes, some will say, when you walk in the doors, your personal issues stay outside. THAT IS NEVER THE CASE AND YOU KNOW IT. That has to be some Jedi mind trick that no one has ever taught me, and I don’t believe it’s true. Do I put on a fake smile sometimes? Absolutely. Will I ever be rude to a customer because I’m having a bad day/week/month? Never. However, if you don’t treat me like a human being, I’m certainly not going to give you the same respect. So, the next time you say to yourself, “Wow, this service sucks”, take a different approach. That normal protocol of not tipping or asking to speak to the manager, because option A.) you just made that server pay for your meal or option B.) you potentially just got that person fired from a minimum wage job. If someone came into your job, wherever it may be and was rude to you, what would you do?

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The point I’m trying to make here is all about: EMPATHY. This is totally not a religious, Jesus, rant. It’s about treating others with respect, WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. No matter what, the common denominator is that we are all made of skin, bones, and blood. We all have a brain, and just because you have the time to go sit at a restaurant, does not make you any more superior than the person serving you your food and drinks. Just keep that in mind the next time you go out for dinner, or have a Betties night out. That girl serving you, and your Betties cosmos, COULD BE WITH HER BETTIES, having cosmos, but instead she is there taking care of YOU. Take the time to realize that and treat her right.)

xoxo,

Bobby

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I Only Wish

     Let me finish the thought; I only wish I had actually committed all the sins I am seeking atonement and forgiveness for. My good friend Paul (aka Pauly cuff-links) recently said those words to me. After we stopped laughing, the seriousness of the thought struck me.

They caused me to think about the mistakes and errors in judgment we make in our daily travels and transactions. Some of these mistakes are great and some are deminimus, but they all end up in the same place, on the shelf we label Regret.

One of the greatest, most poignant quotes of my time, at least in my opinion, comes from an obscure event in May of 1992 when LA was exploding from riots and Rodney King uttered those famous words; ‘Why can’t we all just get along’. The thought of tolerance, not even acceptance, just tolerance applies equally to how we look at and treat ourselves. We certainly need to give our follow Bobs and Betties some slack but before we can do that, we need to give ourselves some slack. We are not perfect; we are not supposed to be. It is from these mistakes and missteps that we learn how to be better people.

I-Wish-Web-Main

So go easy on yourself. Live life to the fullest, accept your imperfections and learn from
your errors as best as you can. At the end of the proverbial day, forgive yourself, look in the
mirror and smile, after all, you’re only human.

Peace,

The Ultimate Bob

The Dreaded Family Reunion

Given the choice, a lot of us Bobs would rather stay at home and watch the NBA, the NFL, CSI, NCIS or one of so many other television shows or other passive entertainment than go to the dreaded family reunion. Well mine is this weekend and while I may be bucking the trend, I can’t wait to see portions of my family I only see once every few years.

It is more than just saying hello and trading hugs. Great stories are told (and retold) and it really gives me a sense of belonging. Family is all about history, continuity and the legacy left by those who are no longer with us at this year’s reunion. Some Bobs don’t feel this and that’s okay, I for one just enjoy seeing how everyone aged, how they interact and see if they can remember the reunion where my real Uncle Bob and my Dad broke into song, singing that awful song Oklahoma. Suffice it to say, they should both keep their day jobs. Life is in large measure about what we do, who we do it with and the memories we take from each event. Family reunions are rich in memory building material.

So my final thought, it’s great to see everyone smile (even if it is just a façade), the food is always great and plentiful and, as Seals and Crofts sang, ‘We may never pass this way again’ so plug-in your DVR and record what you must, there will never be another reunion like this one, make a good choice.

Peace.

Ultimate Bob

The Real Dope on Valentine’s Day

So February 14 2013 is around the corner and all you Bobs are feeling the pressure to
give gifts, chocolate, diamonds, roses, heart-shaped anything and who knows what. There are two ways to look at this day. Old school is chocolate, diamonds, roses and hearts. Give and ye shall receive. Here’s a new perspective. There are 364 other days in a calendar year (that’s 8,736 hours) and we ‘Bob’s’ should not be judged by how we perform on any given day or one ‘special’ day lasting only 24 hours. We should give love to our partners each and every day.

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So as the story goes, Saint. Valentine gave his life for love, the love of others and the
love for a woman. Let’s all resolve to redefine Valentine’s Day and share the love with more than just your partner, male or female. Do a good deed. Bring joy and happiness to a true stranger, that is indeed a form of love worthy of universal celebration Lets all redefine this day for lovers as a day for sharing universal love, love of our fellow-man (or woman) especially the love of a stranger or group of strangers. Do something anonymous and feel the love emanate from within.

Certainly these random and anonymous acts of kindness would get a big thumbs up
from the long deceased Saint Valentine. Heck, even Hallmark would come out with some new cards and figure out how to monetize this newly defined Holiday!

Peace,

The Ultimate Bob

Let’s be appropriate people.

I suspect that my latest event was not unique. I recently went to a social event, not a
network or business development mingle-thing. Apparently half the people who attended
figured this was not a social get together but indeed a networking function and tried to sell me professional goods and services, insurance, real estate services, you name it, they pedaled it.

I’ve been to network marketing things and they have a legitimate purpose in the proper
time and place. My wish for the rest of the year is that people act ‘place appropriate’. In more spiritual terminology; Be Here Now!

Be Here Now

This 100% all the time, anywhere and everywhere guerrilla marketing thing is too much. I
am reminded of some wise old Wordsworth; that; the world is too much with us. It’s not rude and for decades people speak of mixing business with pleasure, I get it. I just don’t care for it.
So Bobs, think about where you market your ‘stuff’ and if you really care for your market share and your customers, give me some space.

Peace,

The Ultimate Bob

Man, Woman or Metrosexual?

Met·ro·sex·u·al
[me-troh-sek-shoo-uh l]
Noun

1. A heterosexual, usually urban male who pays much attention to his personal appearance and cultivates an upscale lifestyle.

So everyone is throwing this ‘M’ word around like it’s some kind of bad thing. When you
look back at 40 or more years of our culture, think about all the snazzy outfits that have evolved from the 60s through the 70s and continue to this day. They are always changing but haven’t guys always cared about how cool they looked, even though they are duty bound not to admit it?

Most men are Metrosexual but few will admit it. If you’re on your way out the door to
work, to tennis, to the gym, going out with your buddies or on a date and you pause for a
moment at the front door and look at yourself in the mirror, you got to admit how you look
matters. Even if the look is a little different, you are indeed a member of the ‘M’ group, like it or not.

The modern day Metro. Plays a contact sport but still manages to keep up his appearance and look like a man.

The modern-day Metro. Plays a contact sport but still manages to keep up his appearance and look like a man.

It’s important to look your best. You only get one First Impression and we all know it
counts. Don’t get stuck on the label. A man who knows he wants to look good is not a sin. So man enjoy your newly found Metrosexuality!

Peace,

The Ultimate Bob

The Power of Positive Thought

We, we’re into the New Year and our resolutions have faded or are fading fast, so what’s new? You look around and see the evidence of your failure in the empty, discarded fast food bag or bags on the floor of your car. It goes that way, so much for getting in shape with that new gym membership.

It’s not too late to revise and revisit your resolution and save it from the dust heap. How do I do that you ask? Actually it’s quite simple, first put down that TV remote and listen. Resolutions are promises we fool ourselves into making with the transition into the New Year. Like any promise, they can and are be easily broken or waved off. The success rate for changing comfortable behaviors with a spoken promise is quite low.

​As an Ultimate Bob, we want to maximize each day and each opportunity which we come across in our daily travels. Rather than make a promise, let’s each take a breath and envision a new way to change our lives or at least our behaviors. Instead of saying, I’m going to the gym to work out, ride the Lifecycle and get in shape, look forward and see what you will look like and feel after several months of discipline. See the change you want to become. Envision yourself with a smaller waistline, bigger biceps and more prominent triceps.

Close your eyes and see you running each morning, visualize yourself with a slimmer sculpted waistline, in better shape enjoying a more robust energy level and feeling better about yourself. The key is to visualize what it is you want to become.

The constant visualization will not just motivate you; it will reinforce that which you wish to become. The power of your will is far greater than you realize. Trust yourself in that vision, close your eyes and dare to dream the new You into being.

Peace,

The Ultimate Bob

 

Our Language on the Move

Aside

Like so many other institutions, the dictionary business moves with trends and fads
which embed themselves into our culture. Our language moves with that process, sort of a diction evolution. Our language evolves to keep pace with our current conventions and cultural events. The newest version of the Oxford English Edition of the Dictionary has added about 1700 new words and meanings as we pull into 2013.

These words are great. Some are obvious (Man Cave and F-Bomb) and some quirky and remote like the one I heard on my 13 year old daughter’s fav radio show; A man being called a Mitch. The female version would be a bitch. Women run with Bitches, men with Mitches. It’s not yet made its way onto our list for the next dictionary edition but it is, I fear, eventually headed that way.

dictionary-new-words

Our language is rich with opportunity to string great words together and make poetry
out of prose. Let’s take some pride in our spoken word. Words are awesome. I’m not high-
browing it here, but we should have some standards. I could not fathom using a dictionary,
even on line, where the words Vajazzle and Blootered were recognized and allowed to take up some space. So my final thought is that you go look them up and figure out what they mean. One’s a noun and the other an adjective…

Peace,

Ultimate Bob

 

Men and Manicures: When is Much Just Too Much?

First things first, I’m a bit uncomfortable with the title of “The Ultimate Bob”.  Bob is a tiny bit too masculine for me, so let’s stick with something a tiny bit more attractive.  Just call me … “The Ultimate Bobby”.  We’ll go with that.  Speaking of masculinity (see what I did there?), that’s kind of what I’d like to talk about: men and manicures.
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Personally, I don’t mind men getting manicured, in fact I’m one of those who gets them.  However, I find that most people, men and women collectively, disapprove or find humor in men getting manicured.  We live in the year 2013, and gender roles and their relevance are on their way out.  So it’s hard for me to believe that this proves to be an issue today.  Are men and manicures just too much?  My answer: No.
There are several reasons why:
1) It’s hygienic, an important trait in the work place AND in a relationship
2) It improves the strength of the nail itself
3) It’s shiny!
4) It shows that the man is comfortable enough with himself, and he’s open-minded
5) It’s shiny!!!!
So when you’re looking at a Bob with pristine nails, don’t pass judgement on him.  Instead, praise the Bob for his hygiene and for his open-mindedness.  Besides, don’t we all want a man who cares just a TINY bit about what he looks like?  Is it not true that any good Bob always wants to look his best?
So Betties [and Bobs], men and manicures aren’t too much, they’re just enough.  I’d be more worried if they’re enjoying some retail therapy and asking how your older brother is — THAT’s too much.
By the way, HOW is your brother?  😉
XO,
“The Ultimate Bobby”

Not So Random Thoughts

Not So Random thoughts for 2013 from an Ultimate Bob.

Like many before, New Years fizzled for me this year. It wasn’t because I wasn’t excited to ring in a new year and wash away the old. I goofed up on the Ultimate Bob protocol for a proper celebratory transition into the New Year. My positive attitude knows I will do far better as we go forward into 2014.

Despite the gender swerve, we are all, at one level or another, alike no matter how different we envision ourselves. We love peace, dislike hate and intolerance and enjoy being respected; the list is long. We all spend multicolored money and we all bleed red blood. There is only one race…The Human Race and we’re all in it together.

Let’s all plan on making 2013 the year that each of us make a difference. If you go and volunteer in a soup kitchen, don’t wait. If you donate clothes or household goods to needy and deserving charities, do it sooner. There is no room for intellectual lethargy. Get Moving! Let’s not wait for the transition into 2014 to lament the important things we promised to do this year but didn’t. Good intentions are only a good start.

The Ultimate Bob…