The Upper Hand

We all have exes and 90% of the time we go to great lengths NOT see them. If this means chugging your drink and crawling your way out of the club so he doesn’t see you then fine. Sometimes you ‘gotta do whatcha gotta do’. There’s always that one person that you hope to see out. You want him to see that you are the ‘one that got away’.

You hope that you are having your best hair day, your skin is flawless, your waistline is feeling extra slim, and you don’t look like you dressed yourself after 3 hours of happy hour fun. So you see this person and feel the need to talk only about yourself because really…who cares what he’s doing?! Unless he’s running a fortune 500 company, it’s all irrelevant. The fact that you are an intern for a company but ‘totally climbing your way up’ is important. Every single part of your life is fabulous and he must know!

Here’s the kicker—no matter how amazing you look or how on point your witty comments are, you aren’t guaranteed the upper hand. If you play your cards right you MIGHT be able to craft a scenario that traps him into it, but you’re too busy playing up yourself. Not to mention, judging the absolute shit out of him.

“Why is he wearing boat shoes? Did I black out and wake up in the Hampton’s?”

“Is it necessary to be wearing a v-neck that ends at your belly button? Maybe he’s gay.”

“Light beer? He’s a bigger betty than I am.”

All of these thoughts are going through your head. You pray to sweet baby Jesus that you don’t say these things out loud. Maintain your Betty. It’s key. Always be the first to leave so he has to watch you walk away in your form-fitting $300 dollar jeans that makes your ass look like you bought a booty pop. Casually invite him to post-party with you and your friends. If he doesn’t call, you just write it off that he turned gay. After all, that v-neck he had on was fashion suicide. If he does, don’t answer. You casually write text back later explaining how you were being a fabulous host but it was “great to catch up”.

There is nothing better than being in control of a situation that he used to be in control of. Think of all the times he was “too drunk” to come to you. Remember that embarrassing pit in your stomach for continuing to invite him and only seeing him on his terms. The tables have turned and that my betties is your upper hand. Don’t give in. Literally, enjoy every last second of this feeling because situations like this come around once in a lifetime. BASK IN IT!


ultimate betties


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