Dear Paparazzi,

You’ve always been horrible human beings. No one likes you. You know this though. Deep down in your cold-black-heart. Even thinkingabout you racing down a highway, trying to snap a picture of a celebrity driving their new Maserati, gives us anxiety that only the best meds can cure!

We will give you Kudos for the occasional picture you snap of Mark Walhburg shirtless in his boxers. The rare shot of Charlie Sheen helping an old lady across to street to remind us he’s not completely “Sheened” out. Most definitely all photos of Kate Upton rinsing off after a surf lesson in her bikini. Those are the ONLY types of pictures that will keep you in the running for being “Most Popular

What you just pulled with Kate Middleton is outrageous. She’s the damn Dutchess. Give the woman some space to breathe. Incase, you didn’t hear. Paparazzi released photos of Miss Middleton sunbathing topless. She was in the backyard of her private house in Southern France.

Normally, if you had snapped a picture of, let’s say…. Adriana Lima sunbathing topless, we might not be writing this letter to you. The fact that you are messing with Royalty really pisses us off. Just because somebody gave you a camera doesn’t give you the right to act like a complete Douche. We understand you are trying really hard to cure your “Napoleon Syndrome”, but can’t you just be like a normal guy and buy a lifted monster truck and piss people off that way?

Stick to your low-risk, soft-core porn photos of hot models or actors. Mess with royalty again and we will personally hunt you down and make you wish the camera was never invented.


The Ultimate Betties




2 thoughts on “Dear Paparazzi,

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